“The key to being happy is knowing you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go.” -Dodinsky
I entered 2017 thoroughly exhausted. A month before, December 1st to be precise, my Sister had been involved in a gas explosion that came very close to taking her life. The next 28 days were spent at the hospital. I was by her side daily and it took a toll on me. Through it all, we never stopped thanking God for His mercy.
Last year, a conversation with the hashtag #TouchNotOurWomen had started on Nigerian Twitter by @UPNEPA on (sexual) harassment of girls and women in public places especially around Lagos markets. I was very passionate about it and had even gone on air at ‘Naija Info FM’ with two other concerned individuals to shed more light on it. More invitations came up to use more radio stations and platforms to talk about it but it was in December and I was mostly stuck at the hospital. Hopefully, that conversation will be reopened in 2018 simply because there’s been almost zero progress with the attitude of most Nigerian men towards women’s bodies and personal space.
February made it a year since I began a side business. ‘Euphoria Treasures’.I sell 100% gold jewelry. The exchange rate and gold price spike made it really slow so I’ve been buying strictly on orders. I’m looking forward to a better 2018 for it anyway. I’m grateful to people that keep referring me to new customers.
I had done my Court wedding the November before and that meant I had a Husband’s birthday to celebrate in March! Our 3rd one together and as wonderful as the others. It fell on a weekend and we had a getaway. Fun times!
I enjoyed my birthday month, April. And although we had to travel for Bae’s Aunt’s 50th birthday in Abuja right on my birthday, it gave me an opportunity to meet more of his people so i didn’t mind that.
There were a lot of trials and temptations during this period but I trusted God’s plan for me. I stayed strong in His strength and knew His grace was sufficient for me.
I also had doubts about an important area of my life but somehow, I knew it was just an ugly phase that won’t be for much longer.
Basically, I was entering a family that was very very very different from mine. I had been raised by Parents that respected and valued my opinion even before I left secondary school at 15. An Army Officer and a primary school teacher so you would expect our home to have been dictatorial. It wasn’t. We were allowed to contribute to discussions and decisions that affected us and the home. Of course we didn’t always have things our way but you came off knowing you had been considered.
Also, the warmth and friendliness my family extended to people almost automatically was something I had taken for granted. That “come eat and drink with me.” “I care about your worries and pain.” “I’m here if you need me”. That inclusion that has absolutely nothing to do with money or generosity. I grew up used to that.
We had our official introduction in August. @ceepeesdelight made amazing food, @hey_Ashiwel handled our photography while @EatingNigerian supplied awesome salad. Yes, both families met and I was thankful it went quite well. Sadly, I also saw a disappointing display of bad manners and a misplaced sense of entitlement. If you’re leaving your house with an agenda to make someone’s special day…less special with unnecessary bad behaviour, I think it’s best to stay away. It’s never that serious.
We started house hunting and I must say a large part of the Mainland needs a lot of work. These landlords and agents are just abusing our desperation for accommodation. I saw too many filthy places, my goodness! Is it too hard to put property in good shape before showing potential tenants? I think the smell from some houses/streets especially around Yaba stayed deep in my nostrils for a long time. We finally got the house we’d always prayed for. Serene,clean, gated, lots of trees and therefore chirping birds, courteous neighbours. I often feel we’ve moved out of Lagos.
I hope I can transform the house to our taste in the first quarter of 2018. It already looks wonderful anyway, I just need to add the ‘Platinunum Touch’. (Yes, for those that don’t know, I run @platinumplus411. It’s ‘PlatinumTouchInteriors’ on FB and IG)
Let me quickly say this. I didn’t like some friends and random social media peeps asking about and expressing shock to know I was neither pregnant BEFORE my engagement nor at my court or even church wedding. This issue of “womb watching” is ugly and very insulting. The countless insinuations and questions were initially funny then quickly became annoying. That should be no one’s business and must stop in 2017. It does not come from a place of care or concern. Leave bad behaviour in 2017, okay?
Then the committee of people wondering about our being together in the first place. HILARIOUS!
“He’s a disciplined Fitfam, she’s an unapologetic Foodie.”
“They are both dakskinned; how the children go be?”
“I hope Joachim’s woman exercises too oh. Hmmm”
I am married to a man who already told me: “The way to my heart isn’t through my stomach.”
We both respect, trust and value each other in such major ways, I’ve never had to twist into a different shape to get his acceptance or please him. I’ve never had to wonder what I mean to him.
I once used the Twitter name ‘Dieting Dolphin’ and it was a period of often pathetic tweets showing how much I was skipping meals, dieting the wrong way, exercising poorly and just feeling miserable.
Bae made it easier for me to see that weight loss is a lifestyle that entails eating healthier and working out religiously. He met me when I was weighing 128kg and has NEVER said an insensitive or mean thing to me. Not about my weight loss journey, size, or lifestyle.
I am living better for me. Not for him or the world. For my own life and good health. That’s it really.
Also, I’m honestly sick of people expecting plussized people to get the short end of the stick when it comes to life, love, relationships.
We hear things like “She’s so slim and sexy, doesn’t look like she already has 3 kids, practically lives in the gym and yet, her husband cheated on her? Hottie like that?” So na orobo dem suppose leave because she no lose pregnancy weight?
We have a lot of unlearning and relearning to do.
Our Traditional and Church wedding held in Benin in September. It didn’t go as I wanted it but I was glad because it was just a formality for me. Technically, to me, we became Husband and Wife the day I said “Yes” to his proposal. All the rest, as they say, na to fulfil all righteous.
Highlight was when I surprised the Groom when I sang “Angel” by Anita Baker for him (the lyrics are so us!) and bringing out my Mom (another surprise) to dance with her. She had spent countless sleepless nights praying, planning, supporting and simply being a wonderful Parent. I wanted the world to see a tip of my appreciation.
I’m thankful to all our friends and family that came to Benin for us. Words are not enough. Yesterday made it three months and we both looked at the photos again and said a prayer for all present and those that really wanted to attend but couldn’t.
The most beautiful and consistent part of my year remains my Husband. I have never had to guess what his feelings for me are. He says it and shows it daily; from dawn to dusk. He is considerate, kind, warm, supportive. He overwhelms me with tenderness, love and thoughtfulness. I have a peaceful home with him, one I’m fiercely protective of.
I could dwell on things I didn’t learn or goals I didn’t achieve this year but what’s the use? I’ve got 2018.
I will launch a new business with my Sister and lose at least 25kg.
I will keep loving myself and building my home and making the best of my life.
I will keep ignoring people or situations that do nothing to make my life better. Surely if you have a problem with someone, it’s your problem not theirs.
Life is too short to be hung up on an unfriendly, loveless place when your heart is full of joy and sunshine and there are so many people willing to share in your world.
“How beautiful it is to find someone who asks for nothing but your company.” -Brigitte Nicole
Thank you for giving us the full gist. We’re rooting for you even more now. God bless your business, your goals, your marriage and your entire journey.