Let me tell you what happened this year, in comparison to what you hoped to happen from your 30 days of hope post
1. Lol. Those 2 exams you’re so worried about? Calm your cups. As you kinda knew you were going to, you flunked the first one. But then you took a resit and aced every gaddem part like no man’s business. Like on a shocking level. High 5. 2nd exam, mega ace-ment as well. So relax. God’s got you.
2. You’re hanging out with your folks more. Gisting with Popsi and Aunty Yinka now. Oh yeah, your mother is now Aunty yinka or Olayinka to you; depending on how much of home training you’re deciding to ignore that day. But she cool. So we cool.
3. That badassery you feared you didn’t have? Omo, excess don dey now o. See, it’s not even funny. My shoulder is now permanently with imaginary shoulder pads. It’s just high anyhow. I’m just prouding about anyhow. AND IT IS TOTALLY DESERVED. Look, I have come a LONG way from you. Major major Upgrade. Look, you even started a new business this year! Yes. 2 strong businesses; enough to be shining teeth to God everyday. CaseNotes (I know you’d roll your eyes at the choice of name but shut up), is only a few months old and Major growth. There’s still a lot to be done but God always has his way of sorting things out doesn’t he?
4. You feel right now like you’re not spending enough on yourself? There’s no space to keep my clothes and shoes anymore. That’s how much different things are now. You finally bought your laptop. So basically no more excuses as regards editing. I was supposed to buy a Mercedes this year but you see, the way my bills/spending are set up ehn… Let’s shaa say I spent the money. The turnups this year were legendary. LEGENDARY.
5. Somewhere in your 30 day post I see you saying you finally cried. Ademisola to God be the glory, that was the ONLY day you cried over him. Not because of any badassery but because you truly didn’t feel the need to. That switch in your head that just shuts things out worked overtime this year. It’s like the tears contained all the sadness and heartache and betrayal you were supposed to feel so once they stopped, you were emptied of them. Like I’m not even joking, like a snap of a finger, life made a big U turn. Over the next couple of months you’ll feel happiness you can’t even explain. You’ll actually hear more stuff that normally should make you feel worse but you’ll actually just hold your tummy from all the laughter and say ‘but I’ve suffered in this life sha. Wife material wife material, Aunty you were a big dopemz o. Han ahn’ and laugh some more. Because ‘dirt off my shoulder’ . Pretty sure you don’t believe me right now seeing as you still can’t believe you found the balls to walk away today. Baby girl, hands down best thing you’ve ever done. Don’t even sweat it. You loved hard but Jesus said ‘Ikeoluwa, not yet’. There’s so much more to come. Much better things. My dear, smile. You’ll be doing a whole lot of it this in the months to come anyways so I don’t even need to bang it into your head. Iwo naa ni wa a f’owo ara e tun wa ara e se.
Oh wait, you actually struggled to not be petty o. Because we both know your brain touches every now and then. You know how you’d hear something or read something and you’d just want to go ‘but wait, are you actually mad?’. There were a lot of those because, loool. See ehn, just wait and see. I’m serious, you’ll laugh over this.
This actually showed you how much your people cared about you o. Prof dey form heartbreak at first, but baba made a u turn when he realized wassup o. Too funny. You’re still daddy’s baby by the way. That didn’t change. Probably even got worse.
Aunty Yinka is like the best ever really. She’s just too bae. Your siblings? Voltrons of destiny. These people have your back ANYDAY! Your friends? See, you’re blessed. No need to feel how you’re feeling AT ALL.
But you did fuck up a bit too…
1. What is a fitfam? The only running that was done this year was running out of money/time. Sister, you hit 63kg at a point . Almost 10kg heavier. Shey exercise mat was the excuse before? It’s gathering serious dust in the room. Oh, and I have tiger stripes now. Well done. Very what? Very good.
2. You didn’t do your surgery. You didn’t even book an appointment. Your wrist still decides to be a bitch baby everyday. You’re still partially blind. Oh you got sexy frames o, many, but no doctor’s appointment so you’re a goat loro kan.
3. How God has not actually turned and said ‘you know what, I’m out. You clearly don’t want me in your life’ ehn… Because I no try this year AT ALL. As in at all. Sad of me.
4. O God, who holdest all souls in life; and callest them unto thee as seemeth best: we give them back, dear God, to thee who gavest them to us. But as thou didst not lose them in the giving, so we do not lose them by their return. For not as the world giveth, givest thou, O Lord of souls: that which thou givest thou takest not away: for life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only the horizon, and the horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
Procrastination cost me the opportunity to say goodbye to Grandpa. Oh yes, he died. A week after my birthday… On the day I finally decided to go see him. Pops called while I was driving down. He’d passed on earlier in the day. Almost crashed on hearing the news actually. It hurt. Couldn’t sleep. When I finally did, I saw him in a dream. He asked why I hadn’t come to see him. Why I left him to suffer even though I knew he wanted me there. I apologized to him and asked him to forgive me. He smiled and said he loved me. Then he said a final goodbye. I woke up. I wasn’t ready. I felt like I’d failed him. Actually I did.
Remember how he’s always calling and you’re always ignoring the calls because you don’t want to gist? I regret those. You know how he’s always asking you to come and take a look at his mouth because he thinks he has cancer? Well, he ended up with cancer. He got diagnosed with PLCC and in a month, kaboom, he was gone. Olufade left. Couldn’t bring myself to see him in his frail state; valid excuse but I could have done better. He’s gone now and I still can’t look at pictures of him in his last days.
Rest in piece Lion of Emure. I love you.
I could go on and on writing about the highs and somewhat lows of this year really, but I won’t. Because I think you have enough of an idea now how much all you’re going through now won’t matter in a couple of months talkless of a year from now.
Dear Demi 14.12.28, you’re afraid, you’re hurt, confused and doubtful, but look at me now:
15.12.28 is a whole fucking upgrade. Relax, something big is about to hit!