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There are years that ask questions and years that answer, there are years the dots don’t connect and the trail ahead is plagued with obstacles, there are years that are rough but sweet, years that are so painfully long…2015 is that year for me

Sometimes life is just tough, tough for no apparent reason.  A couple of upsetting things happened this year but I’m thankful still, for my family, my friends, my job, my health, my sanity. 2015 was one year that asked questions from me and got me asking questions too…what if? How? When? Why? How?

2015 was a year of ‘quiet’ from God or may be a year I was too loud, burdened or distracted to hear him.

This year I learnt that there are as much broken spirits as there are beautiful spirits. This year I scooped  away the ‘dark’ in my heart and embraced light; this year I smiled  with people on the bus , I stopped putting in my ear phones during bus rides. By the way, I took way too much  bus rides this year, it got Nathan jealous. 2015, the year of rainbows, of colour, of sharing, my year of perspective, a year of self love and a year of truth.

“Never give up, and never stop trying to achieve the goals and dreams that you know you deserve” -Anurag Prakash Ray

I am tired of trying or fighting for what I want. Yes. I. AM. TIRED. I started this year with the plans, plans to try, plans to fight, to try with prayers, with action, do what’s within my power to get what I want. I had plans for a new job, a slimmer body etc. 11 months and 7days down and everything I ‘fought’ for isn’t looking like it  well except I’m actually slimmer.

Some things happened last year and I had to leave my HR job, so after going on for months jobless and after several interviews I got an offer from one of the commercial banks where I was assured of a HR role, my offer letter came and read Relationship Officer, hahahaha…Nice! Shay bi Human Resource Officer and Relationship Officer are kind of the same thing, abi? Lol. I took the job o, because bills.

I think it’s a bad time to be a banker, the economy is bad, the TSA thingy took funds from the commercial banks and got Relationship Officers ‘stomaching things’ just so you can meet your deposit target, it’s been 5 months doing this bank thing and I still refer to myself as a temporary bank girl, 5 months and I’m still here, that wasn’t the plan though, the plan was to stay for 3 months maximum and move on to the HR Job somehow. I’m still hoping and praying to receive that HR offer letter I almost got, yes that one; but who knows? I just might become a permanent bank girl but I still want to fight, I want to try. I’m looking forward to 2016 with eyes of hope and silently saying “I got this” May be I do or don’t. Who knows?

“Don’t stand in someone else’s shadow when it’s your light that should lead the way, find your light and stay there”-@Her.Network 

Love found me this year but not in the way I expected. Love of self got me like *&^%*.

This year, I sit many times to think about how far I have come… I think I’ve come a long way. I catch myself sometimes in a flash of thankfulness and self admiration and I just want to cuddle myself. I found and still finding a bond with myself that no one can take. I’m grateful for learning how to love me, choose me and progress slowly into the person I want to be. I’m grateful for little mercies, food discovery trips to all those fancy restaurants, open mindedness, art exhibitions, my budding interest in photography and humbling experiences of growth, those that bring a grin or a tear to my eyes.

 “I don’t know how to rejoice always, but I do know that every time I remember who He is- and how He gave Himself up for us so that we could know wholeness-something shifts in my heart, even when it’s breaking- Ellie Holcomb

I always try to look for lessons every period that passes, every day, month or year that goes by , so when I was writing this review I spent time thinking about what the lessons for 2015 might be and I struggled but I eventually came up with something that pulled me through the last few weeks, GRATITUDE.

Gratitude for life, for the seemingly small things, gratitude in the face of disappointment, rejection, heart break, doing a job I don’t fancy… It was gratitude that saw me through the last months of this year. So may be my takeaway for 2015 is learning gratitude, living through each day with gratitude, not the person I hoped to be but I’m here and may be sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes triumphing through the days, weeks, months and even the year with gratitude is just ENOUGH

 

 

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Maybe 2016 will bring with it answers, maybe it will not. But with this attitude of gratitude, you are sure to conquer.

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