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Please don’t stop the music

The good 

I was on my way to an MTV thing, was at a bus park in Ojota when my phone rang. It was my Mum. At the end of the call, I looked up to heaven, if I had any drama in me I would have knelt down and bowed towards heaven, but I just took a deep breath. In 2014 my Mum had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. I had been living in fear because of it, each time my phone rang I’d think they were calling to tell me she is gone. Finally, now it’s gone. Phew! Thank you, Jesus. 

The other best thing that happened to me this year was my little project,  Monkey Village School-it kicked off. I met some kids in a slum community last year, although my initial plan was to build a mini school and provide an education, life got in the way, but my friends- mostly people I met on twitter were so amazing, they contributed to the cause. We were able to pay fees and buy books for children of a displaced family from Borno. Thank you again. (if you want to contribute to this contact me via twitter @oghenelucia) 

I finally got my results from Uni, B.A- History and International Relations, 2 years after graduating as one of the best students in my class- Fam, don’t let your siblings or relatives attend a state-owned university. I held the statement of result and walked into a chapel, knelt before the Blessed Sacrament. I had a missing result that almost morphed into ‘Abeg just write JAMB again and start all over.’

My favourite cousin had a baby. Oritsesegbemi Oghenekevwe, Welcome baby!

The Bleh – NYSC came; I got Lagos state and the company I worked as PPA.  This makes up for all the wait and frustration. While in camp I felt removed from everything. I wondered why people were so excited. Sometimes I forced myself to join conversations or activities but midway I’ll lose my strength and walk away. 

Nigeria- I feel like a character in one of the Nigerian novels set in the 80s. Same bloody issues- no electricity, water, Baba from 1984 is back ruining the economy, only difference is we have 4G internet. The worse part of this is watching loved ones suffer and being unable to do shit about it. 

On God- I am on a finding God for myself journey. I am fed up with pastors twisting the gospel to feed their agendas. Temporarily stopped church this year because I had too many WTF is this one saying moments. 

The Lessons

God loves me, which ironically is my name, Eguonroghene, I accepted the love this year. 

I played around and got my heart wrecked. Lost a best friend and a lover (all tied together in one with a ribbon on it). I finally understood one of my Mum’s favourite sayings, “If you no wan chop meat, no take your teeth bite am.”

My stutter isn’t going anywhere so you better wait for me to fi-fi –finish saying wh- wh-what  I want to say, if you complete my sentences, I’ll just keep quiet, since you know what I want to say, talk with yourself. 

I am not going to grow any bigger, teenage boys might just keep asking me out on dates.

Discovered Charity is on my birth certificate. Like my name is legally charity, it is not just a church name. -_- 

Eating is not just for pleasure- my weight dropped to 38kg getting it back to a healthy state was/is difficult.

My writing got better, I think, but this did not stop the rejection letters from flooding in. So more work yes? I got more responsibilities at work, I did a lot of freelancing and ghost-writing. My column is one year! – I can do more than I thought because Jesus strengthens me. It can now introduce myself as a writer and not want to disappear.

“Ask and it shall be given unto you,” yes, reach out when you are in trouble they are people who will help you.  The amazing people in my life, thank you so much for supporting me when my legs gave way. 

My dad is a human being, all flesh and bones, and it is okay- but I might never stop being mad at him

Too many times this year I had episodes when life became black and white and I couldn’t hear any music. Every time I passed 3rd mainland, I fight the urge to get down and go under the water. I imagine it will be cool and peaceful beneath it. 

My amazing friends- people who stayed awake to talk to me at 1am, on days I couldn’t sleep, those who sent funny SMS at 3am. I got em, I laughed. Thank you 

My sweater, red. Thanks for staying faithful. I love you. 

Life is flashing, faster than we thought, more difficult than we imagined. It is okay to be damaged and broken, light (healing) gets in through the cracks. 

2017. Please be gentle. 

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