I got back to school and the first thing I did was beg the person I was in a relationship with to come see me. He was mad at me because he had told me to come three days early, and I said I couldn’t because I had promised a friend that I was going to model for him. The said Friend was a photographer who needed a final shoot at his school and I had agreed to do it for him way before then so I couldn’t cancel. If you know me well, I don’t play with my friends and I do not like to disappoint them. Also if I promise something, best believe I’ll see it through. So that’s why he was mad at me. He knew the lack of his physical presence would hurt me and he played on it. For about two weeks, he dragged on till we finally saw and sorted it out. Smh. School was alright. I had no 8 am classes which made me happy. Boyfriend moved in with me which I wanted at the time. I ended up regretting this move later.
We always had issues. One fight after the other. Let me not bore you with details. I held on despite the fights, because I was so afraid of being alone. He made everything seem like my fault and I’d end up apologizing every damn time just to make peace. He knew all my weaknesses and shortcomings and he played on them well. Abandonment issues, loneliness, internal conflict – everything. I was an amazing emotional plaything to him. My head was messed with. My mental health continued to be shitty and I laid my life in the hands of somebody to mess with smh (didn’t realise at the time).
That aside, my business Abebi Organics was doing well. Customers piled on demand. I was so grateful to God. There were struggles here and there but nothing God didn’t come through for me. I mean I remember vividly the times I could go a whole day without a meal because I had nothing to eat. Now I can buy myself two shawarmas and not feel it lmao. Nah God is good. School was great as well. Didn’t stress me as much or maybe I was just too disconnected. I don’t know.
My best friend got engaged. Introduction was lit. She looked beautiful and her husband looked dashing. Happiness.
I had to sit down and give myself a pep talk. I knew I didn’t love myself because there’s no way in hell I’d let someone treat me like I don’t matter if I truly loved myself. I let someone play and toy with my insecurities as he wished and I was done. Honestly it was beginning to affect other areas of my life and I couldn’t let that happen. I knew I couldn’t end it while still in Ilorin – this person depended heavily on me and I didn’t want to end it and it’d look like I was a wicked person. Also I needed to work through it mentally first so I’d be totally and honestly done. No going back.