How painful it was to be at work sometime this month and receive an SMS from efe…that said
You are not delivering ..I guess I’ve had it with you and I’m pulling you out of the 30day challenge.
(he didn’t actually say it like that)
I was like cool…no problems..I was doing a ward round and I just wished he could understand everything that was drowning me.
I can write this now because I just had minor surgery and I’m off work.
I practically collapsed at work (if I should use that language)
Oh well,even if I never featured on the challenge …who would miss me?
Yea,I’m not really much into socialising and I’m actually scared of making new friends.
Feels something like having sacred territory invaded.
You can now understand how it would feel telling a whole bunch of people whom I’ve never met the emotional highs and lows of my year.
Maybe If I put on a storytellers hat..I may just dissociate and get down to pushing the point across.
I’m somewhat a ‘spiritual’ version of what you may call ‘superstitious’ but the truth is that I’ve learnt there are certain laws that the world runs by and you can’t be working in the opposite direction of these laws.
Delving into theories now are we?
The odd years of my life since I turned 13 have hardly brought much in terms of love,achievements and well,I usually don’t look forward to them.
I told myself however that after I watched that prejudice wash away an entire year,it won’t be featuring in my thoughts any longer.
So saying ,2011 was odd.
Considering I was already like odd year, sit and mope!
I have always been in church at the strike of midnight in each new year since my dad decided church was better than fruit salad and wine at home.
Call that 12years running.
However on the 31st of December 2010, Boko haram struck Abuja and we cowered indoors for fear of losing our precious lives.
I was on antimalarials and slept into the new year.
I didn’t do my usual bantering with God for all I needed to achieve by the end of the year.
1st of January I was on call at abacha barracks medical reception centre and the year rolled in with gory tales of severed body parts and flying heads as well as neckless bodies and whatever horrendous tale could come of a bomb blast.
I was still sick.
Thus began the blur that became 2011.
Ill health (mostly a ficticious and sometimes real fever) and the end of national service.
I was exiled home in March to baby around ,tweet and listen to birds chirp in the trees when everyone was at work.
My mates were hussling it out and I was relegated to sissy home baby.
I was jobless,useless, half dead and my joie de vivre was gone.
Depression is real!
It got me to stop believing in myself and watch the opportunity of residency I had earlier on in December of 2010 pass me by and have everyone berate me about my attitude.
I had never been without a job since I graduated from school.
I’ve worked nonstop for 3years.
‘Like a man’ a friend said
I’m keeping the romance out of this but let’s say someone came and left me as sad as the happiness he brought
Then I failed a professional exam for the 2nd time..
I was saddened beyond comprehension
I had to deal with joblessness,meeting a guy I really liked and losing whatever would have been the outcome of that relationship to factors yet unknown.
Everything looked so bleak.
Here is where I say that
Having people who understand you,support you and having God is very important.
Having family that loves you cannot be understated.
My dad knew what I was going through ..they all understood
There was a day when I told them I wanted to kill myself ..
I was so deep in despair and lost in things I cannot describe.
I discovered wordpress and started writing stuff again.
Lots of underground stuff *smiles*
Its funny how even at my very weakest of points there was always someone who needed words of encouragement from me and the irony kept me thinking maybe..just maybe
Somehow,in the process of comforting others and the struggle I was going through
zoehugs came about and its been a most wonderful experience sitting quietly and hearing from God the words with which to comfort and encourage myself and those who needed to hear them.
God uses the foolishness in our lives to show us to wisdom inherent in our hearts and souls.
I have learnt to worry less and pray more.
(I am still an epic worrier though-frequency only reduced)
To Listen to God more and operate with the holy spirit.
I got a fabulous job after juggling two -three at a point …and then came the much needed financial independence I missed so much earlier on in the year..
Although I had never lacked,its just cool to have your own money.
I’m grateful to God.
Feels like I’ve got a new lease on life now.
I’m looking forward to next year..it will be an even year for me…with God,family and career and my classic FBI”
Here’s a special shout out to @otococcoa and Efe..personal shrink,hug provider and hard drug supplier.
This year would never have been complete without meeting you.
We love you so much Samsie. (((hugs)))